10 years and 2 kids later

Think back to when you were 19 years old. What were you doing? What was important to you?

I was a sophomore in college. I had just chosen my new major and was just about to get together with my now husband, Rob. Thinking back on it now, a lot of the important puzzle pieces of my life came together that year. But, really, I was just a kid.

That’s where we find Jessica in today’s post. 19 years old, a sophomore in college. And pregnant.

Jessica shares what she felt in the moment and what’s she learned ten years and two kids later.

jess

Caitlin: So, you became pregnant when you were 19, unplanned and unexpected. Tell me about finding out you were pregnant for the first time and some of those details you’re willing to share.

Jessica: Yes! Well, I was starting my sophomore year of college and dating (my now husband) Kevin for about eight months at the time.  I had recently gone off of birth control because of mood swings, and we had unprotected sex once when I became pregnant. I can very vividly remember, haha. I obviously should have been protecting myself, but my first appointment with a gynecologist as a teenager determined I had a tilted uterus, which is not terribly uncommon, but my uterus was tilted at a different angle from most. The gynecologist told me it would lead to trouble getting pregnant.

Back to the unprotected sex, I had started training for lacrosse season that spring, and so when my period was late I kept thinking that it was because I was running more. One morning I decided to pick up a pregnancy test, my very first one, and immediately started crying when I read the positive result.

Caitlin: So, tears can mean so many things. What emotions were you feeling? All of them?

Jessica: Honestly, probably not any on the joyous spectrum, but instead mostly shock and confusion, with some “what am I going to do” thrown in there.

Caitlin: So, how did you decide what to do?

Jessica: I only told a few of my closest friends in an attempt to gain some perspective. I did not tell my mom though because I knew she would be supportive to the point of excitement, and I wasn’t processing the pregnancy just yet. You know, EVERY decision in that situation is life-changing. You cannot undo anything.  And so in hindsight I knew what my decision would be, but I wanted to get there myself.

CaitInterview2

Caitlin: I think it’s a great way to explain it. Do you remember what your biggest fears were at the time?

Jessica: Honestly, very selfish fears, like how I would miss out on experiences and opportunities, how I was not ready to settle down, and how I had no clue what I was doing.

Caitlin: So, you and Kevin decided to get married. How did you make that decision?

Jessica: Again, I am going to be brutally honest, but I never made the decision.  It has been something that I have struggled with for years.  It was just sort of assumed by (I guess) our families and us that if I was going to have a baby, we were going to get married.  Sounds crazy, right?  But it all happened in such quick succession that it’s almost a blur.

Caitlin: I know you’ve struggled some with feeling like you’ve missed out on things that most young people get to experience because you were married with a baby at the age of 20. If you’re willing to talk about it, can you share some of that?

Jessica: Sure!  Actually, one of the first things my mom said to me when I told her that I was pregnant was that anything you can do without a baby can be done with a baby. It still astonishes me that she said this, because in my experience, there are so many things you cannot do once you have a baby. You are always considering someone else who is completely reliant on you. This can be very limiting if you are not ready to take on that responsibility. In hindsight I don’t feel like I missed out on any experiences, but that is perspective that I’ve gained over the years. At the time, the experience of young motherhood was isolating.

Caitlin: So, the important part, tell me about your baby girl and what it was like being a new mom so young?

Jessica: I realize how cliché it might sound, but she is the love of my life. She is a miracle, and if I would have never gotten unexpectedly pregnant, I would be missing out on this precious soul that brings so much quality into my life. Even when she was little I would say that I genuinely enjoy hanging out with her. She has such capacity for kindness and humor (although I have to hide my giggles when she cries during Disney movies).

Like I said, the experience was isolating, because no one around me was going through it. But in a way, I am actually incredibly grateful for that, because I never asked anyone else for advice. I approached everything with her from the perspective that she and I would figure it out together. This allowed me to evaluate my own comfort level with aspects of mothering; for instance, I breastfed Cambrie for eighteen months, and it gave me such confidence.  It also keeps me from giving other mothers unwarranted advice. My usual go-to is, “You’ll figure it out.” Everyone is figuring it out.

caitinterview4 (1)

Caitlin: Yeah I think that’s great. We’re at a time in our lives now where SO many people are having babies and I can see how easy it would be to compare yourself to the people around you. I think it’s great that you were able to just do your thing. We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention your second baby girl. What was it like being a mother for the second time at a little more typical an age (although still kind of young)?

Jessica: Haha, yes, thank you for reminding me! Harper is the complete opposite of Cambrie. She is rough and tumble, and is still learning the empathy that Cambrie seemed to be born with. My dad actually calls Harper the Heartbreaker because of her personality. She is certainly my wild child, but it is so much fun because she adds such a dynamic to every situation, even the mundane.

One thing about having both Cambrie & Harper on the younger side is that I sort of took for granted getting pregnant and having healthy babes, whereas our friends who are having their firsts now have a completely different appreciation than I did.

Caitlin: Did you ever feel judged by other people for having kids so young? And getting married young?

Jessica: YES.  Absolutely. When I was pregnant with Cambrie I would never leave the house without my engagement and/or wedding band. I felt like it would give people the wrong impression about me, that I was irresponsible and what have you. But even that experience really encouraged me to decide what kind of person I wanted to be. In a way, I was projecting those insecurities because I felt them myself.

But the older I get, the less self-conscious and critical I am. People and circumstances are so complex, and there is so much gray in the world. It doesn’t serve anyone to assume anything. Nowadays I welcome any questions about how old I am, how old my daughters are, what I am doing in my life, because I am happy and content with those things, even if it took me all of my twenties to get there.

jess2

Caitlin: Ah, excellent point to wrap up. What have you learned about yourself in the last ten years that you’ve been a mom and wife, however unexpectedly?

Jessica: I’ve learned that life has a way a giving us what we need when we need it, and whatever path you choose will serve you. There are no right or wrongs, just choices. It’s all about kindness and humor and deep breathing.

Images courtesy Jessica

 

Living the dream: An interview with Harrison B.

Harrison B. is a Progressive American Soul artist from Lascassas, TN. He blends traditional and progressive American song forms into a soulful and statement-driven delivery. I happened to meet Harrison B. two summers ago when he showed up at a party I was throwing with my friend, Sarah. I talked to Harrison B. about his music and what it means to him to be living his dream.

Caitlin: Can you tell me a little bit about your musical roots? Was it something you were always interested in?

Harrison B: So, nobody in my family really dug playing music other than my grandfather. He is into bluegrass, old school blues, Southern Folk, Gospel, Western Country. He is into early country. I used to go over to his house and he has had the same guitar since he was 15 that he bought out of a Sears catalogue. It’s just this big, incredibly difficult to play, but amazing sounding instrument. I learned from him having one guitar to truly love and put a piece of yourself into it. he’s genuine and he’s honest and he loves it, so I just kind of grew up hearing music from him. And I really, really enjoyed what he did. We listened to records together, too many to mention, but he put me into real roots music. They became my musical roots.

I’ve always had an ear for music. Writing has always been in my head. I used to love, as a child, listening to classical music when I went to bed. My favorite game was guessing the movement. I liked to guess where the arrangement was going. Major, minor, resolving, that sort of thing.

As I grew older, it became something I needed, as opposed to something I just wanted. I started with my first band when I was 19 and really picked up the guitar in earnest around the age of 21. At 22, I had to have it, had to get out there and do it.

Now, I’ve been doing it full time since I was 24.

Caitlin: I think it’s really interesting the way the importance of music in your life evolved as you got older. I think a lot of times people begin to let go of their passions as they get older and it’s often such a mistake. So, you grew up around Nashville. What effect did that have on you and your music?

Harrison B: So, I grew up in Lascassas, Tennessee and moved to Nashville for college. Musically at the time, I wasn’t very advanced and so I had to play and write songs that were in my technical ability range, which was limited. So starting out I wrote a lot of singer/songwriter, acoustic country, that sort of thing.  I wrote a lot of country songs. Thomas Rhett became a buddy of mine and we used to write some, and Dustin Lynch was around, he went to my college. They’ve both gone on to very successful country careers.

So, yeah, I’ve always had a heart for country because of my grandfather. So I started talking with an artist development company about the things I needed to do to be groomed to be pitched to a major label.


hbsskrnn (1)

As I was getting into it I thought, if I’m choosing to do this for the rest of my life I sure better love it. And you know, there were aspects that were just empty to me. I felt like my subject matter was limited. I felt like there were just things about confining to one single genre that didn’t move me to my core and didn’t satisfy some musical need in me, so I had to let country go.  It is still an aspect of my music, but now it is one of many.

So, what better way hit reset than to leave town when I graduated. And if you’re going to leave town, what better place to go than Alaska, as far away as you can get.

Caitlin: I have to say, I am a big country music fan, but I definitely get what you’re saying. And when I listen to your music I definitely hear some country influence. But, I don’t want to get ahead of myself, so tell me about the Alaska move.

Harrison B: So, I had a friend, who had one friend in Juneau, Alaska. It’s the farthest from home I had ever been. I packed my Jeep up, and drove to Prince Rupert, BC. There I got on a Ferry and rode 3 days to Juneau. Between that solo road trip up there, and then adjusting to a whole new environment, that to me was really growing up. The road is a great teacher.

Musically, I didn’t play the guitar for four or five months and when I picked it back up, I decided it was, indeed, for me. So, I started playing again. All I had observed in my three week drive from Tennessee to Alaska, the things I learned, the CD’s people gave me for the drive in states along the way, indie rock, ambient rock, funk, punk, all these new things. All things I hadn’t really experienced before, particularly in their proper context. So, when I got my guitar out and played again it was totally different from what I had played prior.

I got out and played one open mic night and I was so scared I wore my peacoat through the whole performance. Still, I just really tried to let my soul out, which was kind of novel to me and my musical experience. I just realized at that moment, this is something I love and something I can’t live without. It felt like an infatuation, like you’d hear a guy talk about feelings for a girl.

From there I went home and recorded my first album, The Harrison B LP.

Caitlin: What place does music hold in your life now?

Harrison B: It is my life. Honestly. It controls just about everything. I think that’s what it takes if you have aspirations beyond local successes.

I’m in a growth phase right now, I’m still pretty small fries. I’m starting to establish myself, as to say, these are the things you can expect from me artistically. I really think it has to color all aspects of your life. Music is, honest to God, just about my everything. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Caitlin: What’s the best thing about spending your time playing music?

Harrison B: I think getting to do what you love for a job, even if you’re just surviving. It brings peace of mind to me that honestly I don’t think I could get anywhere else. I don’t think I’d be as happy doing anything else.

Caitlin: I imagine life on the road as a musician isn’t always easy, even if it is satisfying. What’s the hardest part?

Harrison B: The hardest part is probably all the time alone. For instance, in the last year, I’ve been on the road all but 2 ½ months. It’s very rare for me to get to be home. At heart I’m a homebody so it can be difficult.  The other aspect is love and relationships. It is very difficult to keep a relationship. I had one for four years and I had to give it up for this. And it was a terrible day.

It’s very hard coming into a town and seeing all these awesome, beautiful people and before you can even get a chance to talk to everybody, you have to roll on. It’s isolating in a lot of ways.

But you start to develop relationships where you make good friends in a lot of places. For me, it’s been a learning curve, but once you understand it and can be genuine through it, it’s awesome to have good friends in different places and when I’m with them to really get to spend time and connect with them.

Caitlin: I hear you renovated and live in an Airstream. That’s so cool. Tell me about it.

trailerpracticepic

Harrison B: The Lil Miss Josie is a 1968 22’ foot Land Yacht Safari. I renovated it from the frame up. It was a lot of work and it sucked for a long time. For over two years it was about all I did for with my off time.

It’s a pretty liberating thing. I get to travel and do my job and enjoy it and at the end of the night, anywhere that I am, I get to go back to my apartment and sleep in my own bed, cook a meal in my kitchen. So, for my lifestyle, it’s perfect. And I rebuilt it from scratch so it has a lot of soul, a lot of heart, and it’s home.

Caitlin: I love that. I’m a total homebody, so I definitely see the appeal there. What have you learned about people since you’ve had a chance to see a lot of the country and meet a lot of different types of people?

Harrison B: Interesting question. Honest to god, my answer is, there’s a lot of sameness, and a lot of difference and I think they’re in equal amounts and with equal subjects.

Good people are good people and bad people are bad people. Bad people are few and far between. I’ve found nothing but love on the road. I don’t think I’m unique in this situation, but everywhere I’ve been has been a contributing factor to where I am right now.  That keeps me humble and grateful, knowing how much of what I do is because of other people..

I want for nothing anywhere I go. And not because I can afford it or I feel like I deserve it, but because genuinely, people have gone out of their way for me. And so, touring does nothing but embolden in me the feeling of the greatness and goodness in people.

CAIT1

I can’t imagine more of a LIFE. Not everyone gets a chance to get out here and really live. And I feel grateful because I didn’t afford that opportunity all by myself. I am one piece of a puzzle of many who have helped propel me and put their faith in me and put a little bit of pride in me.

I accept that as a responsibility and I take it quite seriously and I try to live each day to respect that. I push myself to be the most impactful voice of positivity and that to me is my job. The music, the shows, the road, those are the details. Those are the medium through which I can reach out. But, I just want to embolden people. I want people to leave a Harrison B show feeling strong in themselves and looking out at the world a little closer than when they came in.

Harrison B.’s debut release, The Harrison B LP, & the Sophomore effort, Down At Brown’s, are available at major online music retailers. You can check him out at harrisonbmusic.com. Oh, and check out his latest video for his song, ME. Serious skills.

Image 1, 2, & 3: Harrison B.

Image 4: Jeremy Lavender via Harrison B.

ChitChat: First Day of School

My strongest memories of the first day of school are also my oldest memories. I was the youngest in my family, so I grew up watching all my big brothers go off to school and I couldn’t wait for the day when I could join them. I remember when I was going into first grade my mom had taken us shopping for new school clothes. My brothers, appropriately, got new Umbros and t-shirts. I, on the other hand, got a wool Minnie Mouse sweater with matching pink and purple polkadot leggings (pictured above). I was SO excited to wear that outfit that I insisted on wearing it on the first day despite the fact that it was early September and still very warm out. My mom relented and I wore it and I was so hot all day, but at the same time, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so cool again in my life.

So, today I’m introducing a new featured called ChitChat. Each month I’ll ask a panel of people one simple question and they’ll share their thoughts, memories, and opinions. This month I asked, “What memories do you think of when you hear ‘first day of school?'” (Check out some of their back to school pictures at the end!)
Chelley panel
Chelley: First day of school means so many things for me. I think I’ve forgotten exactly how I felt about it  in high school because it was just the day when two-a-days stopped, and field hockey practice  moved to once a day after school. But as a child… it elicits such joy and anticipation. Wanting  to hold my father’s hand and let it go simultaneously. I know I would walk away from him, and,  though I think he didn’t ever see it, I would look out the window and watch him go- his suit  jacket unbuttoned and his boots lightly dragging on the pavement from the preschool building  to the mail building of Meadowbrook School.
I can remember how cool I felt taking the bus (even though my parents were totally following in  their car), and the sound of a brand new zipper opening and closing. The smell of plastic from a pencil case. New markers and glue sticks and freshly printed name tags on our desks. Presenting book reports, using highlighters I didn’t need (yet) and getting the classroom job of clapping the erasers. The first day of school held such promise for the year… and I still have that anticipation. As I move into filling out paperwork for kindergarten for my own child, I smile at the school shopping, LL Bean monogrammed backpacks, choosing the first day outfit… and cringe at the thought of letting her hand go from my own.
(Read more of Chelley’s writing at AisforAdelaide.com)
mary

Mary: September, 1957, first day of first grade, walked to school with 2 big brothers and then left alone in a classroom of 75 children and one scary nun.  I knew my friends Helen and Frank who lived on my street, so that was good, but the class was so big I hardy knew how to find them.

One girl was crying and wouldn’t/couldn’t stop in spite of being ordered to by the teacher, who was becoming more and more annoyed (I thought I saw smoke come out of her wimple, although I didn’t know it was a wimple at the time) and the kids were growing more and more nervous until–suddenly–crying girl made a run for it!  Off she ran, out of the room toward the back stairway to freedom!  Off ran the good Sister, furious that she had already lost control.  Seventy four 6 year olds sitting with hands folded on their desks, hoping Sister wouldn’t return, but alas, return she did, with crooked wimple, beet red face, exclaiming “The little brat kicked me!”  Yikes!  At least that’s how I remember my first day of school. (P.S.–The “little brat” spent first grade in public school)

Steve

Steve: I would rate my feelings toward the first day of school as neutral, leaning towards negative.  It was the best school day of the year other than maybe the last day, or maybe the day before Christmas break, or some random day like Acceptance Day or Purple Gold Day.  It was the end of summer, which was heartbreaking, but you couldn’t help but be excited for the first day.  What will your new teachers be like? What will the girls look like?  You got brand new clothes for at least the first three days and the workload will be light.  The first day of school is great.

But, sadly, the first day of school passes, and soon it’s like you never left.  As a kid I unfortunately regarded school as a punishment rather than the gift that it was.  But I still don’t see how you’re going to convince a 9-13 year-old otherwise (that’s the age group I’m thinking of because the summers before you were expected to have a job were the best).  When you spend your summers out in the woods biking, fishing, rope-swinging, catching frogs, vacations down the shore boogie boarding, eating ice cream, catching crabs, and suddenly you’re stuffed in a classroom and forced to learn…I think I’ve explained enough why my feelings lean toward negative.

Colleen Panel

 Colleen: Believe it or not I’m pretty sure the only “first day” of school I can actually remember might have been my first day of school ever. I have a vague memory of being upset because my mom left, and a boy came over and showed me a book to help make me feel better, and it worked. I honestly think I might have been 3 years old, so I guess it really goes to show a little kindness goes a long way!

Moira panel

MoiraDread!! Actually I don’t know if that is how I felt back when I was in school, but that is how my 35 year old self feels when I think about the first day of school. I also have memories of being really excited, mixed in with a lot of nervousness. What classes will I have? Who will my teachers be? Will my friends be in my classes? What should I wear the first day? Those feelings definitely continued into college, and nursing school later on in life. I think the first day of school is daunting no matter your age.
Leslie panel
Leslie: Since I was a single parent, a good bit of the memories were dropping my son off before school, not about the school itself. I just remember looking forward to and having fun doing the back to school shopping once we got the list. We would head to the store and just buy everything. I was proud to be in line. I always found it a fun time to be together and made me feel that this was really one small part of the joys of being a mom. My son probably hated it. It was sad to me when he got old enough to go himself and with his friends.  But of course that needed to happen.

And a personal funny memory of a first day of school – one of our neighbors had an exchange student from Spain.  However, just before school started the neighbor went into the hospital and needed emergency surgery.  So, I had to be become the exchange student’s “parent” for a few days. This included the first day of school and helping the student to ride the school bus. I took my newfound temporary responsibility very seriously. So, after the high school student boarded the bus I actually followed the bus to the school to make sure he was okay, hoping not to be seen, the whole time laughing to myself.

Theresa (not pictured): One of my sons wasn’t thrilled about going to school. When he came home on his first day of school, I told him I bet he had fun and that I missed him. He didn’t even answer me. On the morning of the second day of school he told me “Mom, I won’t go to school…. You’ll miss me too much and I’ll worry about you.”

hart

Hartley: I had to call my mom regarding this. My memories are mostly me being nervous, but she recalls me being excited — I always liked school. However, she agreed with my recollection of being nervous for college.  I must have blocked this out, but the first college I attended was in the middle of Massachusetts, and it was really close to where my aunt, uncle, and their kids live, so my mom planned on my family staying there the night before move-in day. But apparently I was so nervous I made us stay at a hotel down the street from their house so I could, I don’t know, lay my clothes out the night before and be assured that no little kids messed with them? Like I said, I must have blocked it out. Too nervous.

What are your memories from the first day of school? Any good stories your kids brought home? Let’s talk! PS. Check out some first day of school pictures below!

Chelley and her dad on the first day of school

Chelley on the first day of school

Moira and her sister on the first day of school

Moira & her sister on the first day of school

 

Hartley on the first day of second grade

Hartley on the first day of second grade

 

<a href=”http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12784175/?claim=brc9aqgkvfn”>Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Adult decisions

My friend, Kiki, has had an interesting decade. She was an honor student at Hofstra University, finished early and jetted off to Greece to compete in So You Think You Can Dance. She’s lived in both New York and Los Angeles and worked as a professional dancer, and yet, she says, all these years, she’s just been going with the flow. Never really making decisions for herself. That is, until now.

Kiki has recently decided that she wants to be a Physicians Assistant and, at the age of 28, she is pursuing that dream and finally feels like she’s living life on her own terms.

I spoke with Kiki about what it means to find your passion, even in the strangest of places.

 

Caitlin: So, you grew up outside Boston, and then went to Hofstra University and majored in Broadcast Journalism. Was it always written in stone that you would go to college?

Kiki: It was definitely always the next step. I didn’t really have to make a choice. I never even really thought about it. Even when I was applying, it was like, I’ll apply to a few and get into one. I didn’t even really think about, “Where do I want to go? What do I want to do?”  I was just kind of like, New York sounds cool. The reasons for my decisions were not really substantial.

Caitlin: So, senior year, you finished up early and went off to Greece before graduation to compete in So You Think You Can Dance in Greece. I think a lot of people would hear that and be like, “She made a decision, she took a leap.” But, you don’t see it that way.

Kiki and her sister

Kiki and her sister

Kiki: That happened because my Aunt saw the audition on TV and said me and my sister should go. And I just went with it. I didn’t decide it for myself. Once we got in, it was exciting and cool, but it wasn’t because I really wanted to be a dancer or on the show.

And when I came back to New York, people were like, “You need to get an agent, go do it.” And so I was like, “Okay, that makes sense.”

So, instead of really finding myself and what I wanted to do, I just went with the flow.

Caitlin: So, tell me the story of when you really discovered what it is you want to do.

Kiki: So, I was dancing for a while in L.A. and I knew I didn’t want to do it, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was really struggling, and wanting to find my next career. And then my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I went home to be with her in Boston as she was recovering from a double mastectomy. I was sitting in her hospital room and a nurse came in and was messing with the equipment and assessing my mom. I was asking her a lot of questions because I was really curious. She turned to me, and was like, “Oh, are you in the medical field as well?’

I think I laughed and said, “No, girl, I’m a dancer in L.A.”

Kiki the dancer

Kiki the dancer

I started thinking about it for a few days and started saying, “I want to be a nurse!”

I started thinking about what that would involve and what it would give me in life. I was like, I want to make money and I want to make a difference. It will keep my brain working and challenged. So, I just went from being a dancer, to being like, “Oh shit, I finally know what I want to do.”

After doing my research, I discovered that being a Physician’s Assistant (P.A.) is the best bet for me. Once I decided on that, it was so empowering. I knew it would be a long journey, and it has been, I still haven’t gotten into school yet, but all that hard work doesn’t feel as hard because I’m no longer in limbo and I know what I want. So, I’ll commit to ten years, and it’s cool.

Caitlin: So you’re doing a few years of prerequisite classes and then you have to apply for schools and then you’ll have a few years of school. Did that ever almost scare you off?

Kiki: No. Because I know I can do it. If I do what I need to do, this will happen.

Caitlin: As we go through our 20’s and see people hitting milestones and being successful, does it ever make you look at your own life and freak out? I know it does to me sometimes.

Kiki: Of course I compare myself sometimes, but I really try not to. You know, as long as you’re working hard and you’re kind and you’re a good person, you’re fine.

I think our 20’s are rough as shit. I think it’s as angsty, if not more than the high school years.

Caitlin: So what would your advice be for someone who feels like they need to make a change?

Kiki: I think it’s important to be reflective and give yourself time. And never settle for anything. Because I knew I didn’t really want to be a dancer and I wasn’t going to settle for that. I couldn’t. I knew I would figure it out, it just took awhile.

Happy Kiki

Happy Kiki

The rest of the hard work sucks, but it’s nowhere near as shitty as not knowing what you want to do. I feel like it was my first real, adult decision. Having committed to one decision and deciding want I want and need now, the fact that I’m heading in this direction, that’s the biggest thing. It’s empowering.

 

What was the first big, adult decision you made for yourself? We talked a few weeks ago about what it’s like to finally feel like an adult. Maybe making one big, tough decision is the thing that does it. What do you think?

Staying Home

If you read my post a few weeks ago called Which Way to Lean you know I am fully undecided on the topic of stay at home mom vs. work outside of the house mom vs. not being a mom at all vs. everything in between. So, it was interesting for me to talk with someone who is firmly in one camp.

I expect many people will read the following conversation and think, “Well of course she’s going to stay home with her baby. In her situation, she’d be crazy not to.” And others will think, “It’s nice she has the freedom to choose, but I would be so BORED not working.”  There are so many differing opinions on this issue, which is why it’s so interesting to talk about!

So, let me introduce you to Erika. She lives outside San Fransisco, CA with her husband, Tres, and has worked in Retail Marketing for the last six years or so. Erika is due with her first baby in December(!!) and has decided to be a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM). Here’s Erika’s story:

 

Caitlin: So, right when you find out you were expecting, you also found out that the freelance position you’ve been working for the last several months is being terminated. But, you were planning on being a SAHM anyway. So, tell me about that.

Erika: I don’t know if I was going to be a full time SAHM, but I was never going to go back to work fulltime. I was talking about going back, when the freelance position was still there, and doing monthly projects, instead of weekly project like I’m doing now. So, I’d have more control over my timeline and it would let me stay connected to the workforce.

So, for me, this is not the worst thing. My plan now is just to stay home and enjoy my child and to sleep when I can and not worry about trying to balance all that. I want to build my family when I’m young and have energy and figure out the career thing later if I want to. I don’t have to have a master plan right now.

Caitlin: So, how do people react when you say you want to be a SAHM?

Erika: Very mixed around here. It’s the land of Lean In and Marissa Meyer and Sheryl Sandberg. A lot of moms have their own unique businesses around here. It’s not necessarily the stigma of corporate America and power suits. You don’t need to be in heels and carry a briefcase, but most moms, unless their husbands are ultra successful, really do work and they have careers and they’re very proud of having careers.

I don’t want to say that people look down on me, but they definitely say, “WHY?” They’re like, “Ohhh, that’s interesting.”

Caitlin: Are reactions different from men to women?

Erika: Yeah, men love it. Men think it’s great. From women, sometimes I feel judged, like, “Why are you doing this?”

Caitlin: I would imagine the question you get a lot is, “Won’t you get bored?”

Erika: Yeah, you know, they say only boring people get bored. Even with the free time I have now, I’ve gotten more interests and hobbies. And when I was commuting all the time, I was exhausted. And I didn’t want to do anything because I was so tired. I don’t feel bored at all, I feel relaxed.

Caitlin: Is this something you always wanted to do?

Erika: No! When I was young, I wanted to be CEO of like, whatever, or like, Anna Wintour. But, I think living in New York and seeing all these power hungry women who had nannies raising their kids, and they didn’t really connect with their families, it made me appreciate the ability to stay home.

Caitlin: So, obviously, money plays a huge part in this and the fact that staying home is even an option for you is a great privilege.

Erika: We’re very fortunate. My husband makes a great living by most standards. When I was working full time, I was still a drop in the hat compared to my husband. So, when I decided to go freelance and then to have kids and stop working, it was more of like, okay, maybe we take a vacation or two less, rather than, how are we going to pay our bills? So that was fortunate that that didn’t really play into my decision.

Also, for me, daycare and commuting would take up about two thirds of my salary, so what are you getting versus what are you giving up? There wasn’t a huge perceived value for me.

Caitlin: So, your mom is a really accomplished career woman. What does she think about your decision to be a SAHM?

Erika: She thinks it’s great! My mom worked my whole life. She has two Masters degrees, a PhD, super smart lady. But, she says if she could do it over, she might have stayed home. She’s an educator and she says you can’t argue against the benefits of a SAHM.

I think my dad is probably more judgemental. He worries about the burden on my husband. He wants to make sure he’s okay with it.

Caitlin: And he is, right?

Erika: Yeah, he doesn’t care. He likes the benefits of me staying home, but if I wanted to work, he’d be fine with that.

Erika and Tres

Erika and Tres

But, he definitely enjoys coming home to a dinner made every night and the laundry being done and the house in good order. He can call me at the last minute and say, oh a client is coming over, and it’s no big deal. His life is a lot easier, because when I worked, everything was split 50/50.

Caitlin: Did you ever wish as a kid that your mom stayed home?

Erika: I think I did a lot. My parents were always late for everything. They did their best and I was always taken care of, but they had another set of priorities. I always wanted my mom to be a room parent, that was a big thing for me.

Caitlin: What do you most look forward to as a SAHM?

Erika: I don’t know, I’m mostly scared by it. (laughs)

I don’t know, I guess I look forward to being home with my kid and being their for the milestones, and let them do things with kids their age, and having a community.

Caitlin: Are you going to join some moms groups?

Erika: Yeah, there’s a big mother’s club in the area that I plan to do, and I want to do swim classes and stuff like that. I have these grandiose dreams of being a mom on a schedule and having my kid be well adjusted, but who knows. It’s at least nice to know I’ll have the time to do it!

Erika is in a unique position and lucky to be able to make a choice on this issue. This Time Magazine story has some interesting statistics on who stays at home with their kids, and who doesn’t.

What do you think? Do you want to stay at home with your kids when you have them? If you have kids, what choice did you make? What advice would you give other women and men who are thinking about having children in the future?

Living Arrangements

The following story is what happens when people stop being polite…. and start getting real.

Just kidding, it’s the story of when four good people who are really good friends decide to live together for awhile.

When my best friend Kristin told me she and her husband Matt were moving in with their good friends Ted and Melinda, I admit, I was skeptical. So, naturally, when I started this blog I knew I wanted to talk to Kristin about her living situation.

It’s a fascinating arrangement and one that is clearly working well for everyone involved. Check it out!

Caitlin: So, tell me about your living situation.

Kristin: Right now, my husband and I live with our two best friends and their 2 ½ year old. We have lived there for 3 ½ years now. We moved in to their house when Matt was changing jobs.

Kristin and her husband, Matt

Kristin and her husband, Matt

We had moved to Huntingdon, PA after college. After a couple of years, we realized that we had left behind a fairly exceptional group of friends and a church we loved in that move.  Friends like these are very hard to come by, so we decided to move back to Shippensburg, and it felt like home.

Melinda was my roommate in college and she and her husband, Ted, had stayed really great friends with us. They had just built a house and it had plenty of room to accommodate all of us.

Matt was thinking about starting a business so we knew it would be impossible for us to purchase a home, but it might even be hard to rent somewhere. So Melinda and Ted offered to let us live with them.

Melinda and Ted

Melinda and Ted

Caitlin: And so when they made that offer, did you have to think about it for a while, or did it immediately feel like the right thing to do?

Kristin: It’s really funny because reflecting back on it, Melinda and I have said we were both really hesitant at first. I mean, they were really open to doing it and they were the ones who made the offer, but we were all thinking it would be short term and we were all a little afraid it was going to cause tension in our relationships. But, it ended up being awesome.

Caitlin: So you’ve been there now for 3 ½ years. What’s been the most surprising aspect of your arrangement?

Kristin: I think how easy it is. To be honest, there have never been any actual fights. There have been times of tension just because people are people, but it’s just been really easy. We’ve been really honest with each other and I think really gracious in times where there might be a point of tension and we’ve really worked through it. I don’t know that this would work with just anyone for us. It happens to be a really perfect combining of personalities.

Caitlin: When you moved in you were both newly wedded couples. I do remember you telling me that when Melinda was pregnant you thought maybe you would move out when the baby was born. But, then it seemed as though you didn’t want to and they didn’t want you to.

Kristin: Yeah, in my mind, it was like, of course we’ll move out when the baby comes. But, to be honest, the business was still at a point where we weren’t sure if it would be a smart decision to do so everyone was like, okay, let’s just see how this goes. And if it’s hard for everyone then, you know, Matt and I will figure something out.

Kristin and Caleb

Kristin and Caleb

But, I can’t even remember what it was like without Caleb. It’s like he was always there. It continued to be easy. Actually now one of the reasons it will be hardest for us to go is that he won’t always be around.

Caitlin: So, how do you do it? How much time do you all spend together? Do you do meals together? How do you split the bills? Are there rules?

Kristin: We spend a lot of time together, probably most of our time together. Melinda and I do the meal planning on Sundays and then we take turns grocery shopping for the week. So, we do cook and clean up our meals together every night. We do determine who is going to cook which meals, but it usually ends up kind of falling together. Whoever gets home first should figure it out and then you know, whoever cooked doesn’t usually clean up.  And you should see the meals we have.  When you’re only cooking one or two meals a week, you can really make something nice.  We have all become amateur foodies.

We do split all of the bills so we keep our receipts and at the end of the month we split up groceries and utilities in half.

Also, living with your college roommate means that you still get to share clothes and jewelry!  It’s the best.  We have no idea what belongs to who anymore; it will be extremely difficult to separate our wardrobes when the time comes.

Caitlin: Do you pay rent?

We don’t pay rent!  Our friends are awesome.  In their minds, they would be paying their mortgage anyway, so it has enabled us to save for a house.

Caitlin: Do you have your own living space? Do you get time alone with your husband much?

Kristin: We do. We do a weekly date night. It’s funny because at first we thought it would be really important to do that, and we still do, but on our date nights we usually end up renting a movie and we invite Ted and Melinda to join us anyway.

We each have our our bedrooms and full bathrooms so that’s really nice. There’s a family room and a living room and they each have a tv and a DVD player and so if couples want to do their own thing, they can. And up until Caleb was older, we did do everything together. But, Matt and I watch some shows that are just inappropriate for a child, so that was the point in which we separated because Caleb was awake and he couldn’t watch it.

But, we do watch tv and movies together and we make all of our weekend plans together. We really don’t get tired of each other.

Ted and Melinda went on vacation with their family a few weeks ago so we were alone in the house. We realized that we do kind of forget to keep up with each other on a regular basis. Like, I’ll get home sometimes and Matt will still be at work and I’ll catch up with the first person I see when I get home. It could be Ted, it could be Melinda. And then I never really tell Matt about my day, so sometimes we laugh if Matt hears about my news from someone else.

Caitlin: It’s interesting because you’re like a family, really. What’s that dynamic like?

Kristin: We really are like a family.  We affectionately call our house the RamWald’s, a combination of our two last names, Ramsay and DeWald.

The RamWalds, dressed up for Halloween

The RamWalds, dressed up for Halloween

Sharing life together is great. It’s the reason that Shippensburg is home for us, because they are there for us when we need them.  In four years you see the ups and downs in life.  We’ve celebrated and mourned together.

And it’s been fun because when our lives are crazy and we’re too busy to cook and clean and eat, they just pick up the slack. And whenever their lives are crazy busy, Matt and I have been able to pick up the slack for them.

Melinda jokes that for the first two months of Caleb’s life she didn’t cook a meal or do a dish.

People always think that this must be really inconvenient, and that we’d really like to get away from this living situation.  We’ve even had people offer their homes to us when they go away as if it would be a favor to us.  The reality is we’ve all really benefited from living together and we really enjoy it.  We are taking a one-week vacation soon to a beautiful beach house in the Outer Banks.  The best part of the vacation is that we’re going with 7 of our best friends, including Ted and Melinda.

the whoel group

Caitlin: So tell me about holidays. I know you guys have a really cool tradition for Christmas.

Kristin: Yeah, this is a Melinda tradition that we took on and will continue to celebrate together even after we move out. Melinda calls it First Christmas. Since we all have family that’s not in the area and we travel to see them on Christmas, we don’t get to wake up on Christmas in our own house and celebrate together.

So, the Saturday before Christmas, we pretend it’s Christmas. We have Christmas eve dinner together the night before and we invite everyone over. And then the next morning we wake up and we pretend it’s Christmas all day. We make a crock pot meal or a tray of lasagna and Melinda will make monkey bread. We sleep in, eat breakfast and open presents together. We celebrate all day.

Caitlin: What’s your best advice for making a living situation like yours work?

Kristin: Step 1. Pick forgiving friends.  We really never have fought, but anyone in a close relationship will stir up things on occasion.  I think it helps that we are gracious to each other, we give each other the benefit of the doubt, we’re honest when we need to be.  And it doesn’t hurt that we were really close friends to begin with.

Ted and Melinda are super Type A. I’m a little Type A and Matt is not at all Type A. So they are really clean. As soon as dinner is over, they do every dish, wipe down the counters, everything. And for me and Matt, that’s not our natural inclination. But, because it’s important to Ted and Melinda, we try to do that now.

It’s just really good to recognize who the other people are, what’s important to them and if you do have an issue, just be open and honest about how you feel. And I think that’s why we haven’t gotten in any fights. It helps that they’re probably nicer than we are.

Caitlin: So you are looking at moving out in the next few months. What is that thought process like?

Kristin: It’s really just because we want to start a family and we couldn’t all fit in the house. Melinda and Ted keep talking about how they could turn the basement into a suite for us and we could live down there with the baby, which is really generous, but I do want my own house. So, it’s happy and sad all at once.

I’m not one of those people who needs alone time. I like being around people 24/7. So it’s really nice for me that when Matt is working late, I can hang out with Ted and Melinda. So, it’ll be hard.

We do plan to live in a community with our group of friends later in life. We plan to all buy land separately, together. So we can have a pool, a huge garden, that kind of stuff. We call it the cul de sac. Matt calls it the Cult-de-sac because he thinks that’s funny.

Our culture continues to move towards more individualistic living.  People don’t know their neighbors or borrow sugar or share lives together as much, and something is really lost in that.  It’s also much more efficient to buy one lawn mower for five families than to have everyone spend hundreds of dollars on their own lawn mower.  Plus, most importantly, we really love our friends and value community.

I think Kristin is right when she says that this arrangement wouldn’t work with just anyone. Just as you need to pick your spouse carefully, I think you’d also really need to be careful of who you decide to live with. I’m so happy to see how well it has worked out for the RamWalds. It will be interesting to talk to Kristin again in a few months when she is living in her own place with her husband. Perhaps we’ll need to do a follow up.

Unlike Kristin, I am a person who needs her own space and time alone, despite having grown up with five siblings. I’m not sure I could make an arrangement like theirs work for myself and my husband. What do you think? Could you live with friends? Family? I know a lot of couples end up living with their parents or adult children. How do you make that situation work for everyone?

Curveballs

Two and a half years ago, life threw A is for Adelaide blogger, Chelley Martinka, a curveball that completely changed the course of her life. I wanted to talk to Chelley about the way she not only handles, but embraces the unexpected in her life. I’ll keep it short here so Chelley can tell her own story, because she does it beautifully…

 

Caitlin: Can you begin by telling me what you were doing about two and a half years ago?

Chelley: This time 2 1/2 years ago I was just having my first child, Adelaide Eileen (Addie). I was concerned about “something”, chalk it up to mother’s intuition, but never really spoke up until her 2 month appointment- which was at 9 weeks. From that moment on, life has been a whirlwind.

DSC_0723

Addie was hospitalized for dehydration at 9 1/2 weeks, and during her stay at the hospital, they made the diagnosis of Achondroplasia, the most common (1 in 40,000 births) form of dwarfism.

Caitlin: So, for those of us who haven’t had children yet, I think a lot of us fear the unknown. What will it be like? How will my life change? I imagine having a child with special needs is THAT, times ten. How did that diagnosis change your plans?

Chelley: Ultimately, it gave me a calling- and that’s not even me trying to find some silver lining- the opportunity to write presented itself (in blogger form) and I ran with it. As far as the other plans…

I had a goal of rejoining my employer from temp to full time 6 months after Addie was born, but due to her weekly aqua therapies, specialists ranging from Boston to Providence to Wilmington (DE), it financially didn’t make sense for me to continue working. I always imagined myself this rockstar career mom in heels and Chanel’s, but that wasn’t my path. Many days I end up working with a napping toddler under my arm, and praying that another viewing of “Nemo” will keep her busy during conference calls… I consider myself a rockstar mom, still. It takes a lot to be a parent, regardless of your situation.

IMG_7874

Just being a parent changes life, but all the things you see in movies and commercials become something you still consider fantasies- even though your friends swear by those moments. Milestones are different, appointments are different, and your relationship with your partner becomes about survival of the family. Special needs are known for ripping marriages apart, and Dave and I work very hard to keep our love (and communication) fresh.

We also thought that Addie may be an only child because traveling for specialists and some of the stressors that come along with special needs can be overwhelming. But there are so many what-ifs, and Addie is such an amazing kid, that we decided to expand our family again. Everyone is so excited, so while I’m glad we put extra thought into it, I’m thrilled that we made the right decision that we could and would embrace everything life has for us, and do it with gusto!

Caitlin: Yeah, I think that’s great. You’re expecting in September!

Chelley: Yes. Camille Thea is due September 24th!

Caitlin: As you begin to imagine your life as a mother of two, how are you approaching this differently than when you were expecting Addie? What is the wisdom that comes from having a child with special needs? A life different from what you expected?

Chelley: I think I am researching more, but from a perspective of wanting to understand rather than a place of fear. My Google really runs the gamut from searches for typical milestone charts, to children who are diagnosed with different learning disorders, autism, Down Syndrome. I do light reading each week- just to know. At this point, with experience of being a mom of one under my belt, I’m more lax about being pregnant- but with a rare diagnosis, I know that all the prep work we do as parents can mean nothing to the child we have.

profile pic

I also do advocacy work, so I like to keep up to date on everything I can happening in the special needs world- it’s important to me, more so because I have a child who lives in that world.

And there’s my goal of not living our lives as perpetual victims of special needs. It’s just an aspect of Addie and our family. I try to focus less on Addie’s needs and more on her adapting from the go- which, for now, is her using stools and climbing safely. We don’t have a child-proof house because Addie can’t reach the things we don’t want, but as I watch her, I am learning where a child of average height will be and seeing that we need to move a few pictures and candles.

With parenthood comes wisdom- my best piece of it, is do your thing. No matter who your child is, you are the parent, and if it’s right for your family, then it’s the right thing to do.

Caitlin: Although it was unexpected, Addie’s diagnosis turned you into a stay-at-home mom.

Chelley: Being able to be with Addie and go to every appointment is the best perk. I know everything that is said by every specialist AND I get to see all the milestones! It’s not an “easy” job, but it’s fun to be home with her.

Caitlin: There’s some quote that you hear all the time, something about how God only gives you what you can handle. I think that’s silly and that the truth is, we find the strength we need to find. You mentioned that a lot of people ask you how you find the strength to handle the tough stuff that comes along with having a child with special needs. So, how do you?

Chelley: For this situation, it’s far simpler than one could imagine.

I look at her.

Rhode Island Cake Smash Photography, RI Cake smash Photography,

There are other things I’ve faced, like the death of my brother in infancy, the loss of my 18 year old cousin, father and uncle in quick succession, a major car accident, and recession in one of the poorest states in the country. But, Life’s curveballs are defined by what we think will happen because we only know about the “ideal”, but what happens to us, is also what shapes us. Life is just life, and ideals are just ideas on what would be super cool if…

For me, it’s way cooler to just live it and hope to the heavens I’m doing ok.

I think the best thing we can all do for ourselves, as people, is stop having “such” expectations, as I call them. Things that will be “such a way” because that’s how we think they will be from a book, or movie, or even a friend. Experiences are unique to the individual- I know my husband has a completely different experience with Addie’s diagnosis because I do a majority of the day-to-day. Expectations are healthy, but the disappointment we feel because something “has” to be a certain way to make it “right” is a pressure we put on ourselves.

Sometimes when things aren’t picture perfect, they’re still perfect.

I love that so much. “Sometimes when things aren’t picture perfect, they’re still perfect.” Now, everyone say it with me, “Sometimes when things aren’t picture perfect, they’re still perfect.” Whether it’s a surprise diagnosis, a change in relationship status, or an unexpected career turn, life doesn’t always go the way we plan. But, like Chelley said, those are the things that shape us into the people we’re becoming. And that’s a beautiful thing.

 

On not being THAT bride

As a sales manager and marketing coordinator for a wedding photographer, my friend Jamie has a lot of experience with weddings. Plus, she’s been a maid of honor twice (mine, in fact) and a bridesmaid once. So, as you can imagine, she’s got some opinions on weddings (don’t we all?).

Jamie is getting married in September, so I talked to her about how her views of weddings have changed, both since working in the industry and as she’s gotten older.

The bride-to-be & Me

The bride-to-be & me

Caitlin: So, Jamie, although you’re not an older bride, you do have a lot of experiences with weddings.

Jamie: Yeah, my group of friends tended to get married really young, and my brother and sister are both married, as well.

Caitlin: So, I’ve been married for four years. I loved my wedding and I don’t have any regrets. But, simply, as you get older, your tastes change.

Jamie: I do think if I had gotten married younger it would have been a much more elaborate thing than it’s ending up being. For me, now, it’s more about the marriage and less about the wedding day.

And I think that might come from being in the industry and seeing how much importance people put on just that day. I’ve sat with couples that seem to me like they hate each other. And they are sitting in a meeting planning what’s supposed to be the happiest day of their life.

So, it’s not that it’s jaded me, but its made me realize that the marriage itself is the most important thing and not so much the day that people get really carried away with.

Jamie, at her bridal shower

Jamie, at her bridal shower

Caitlin: So, compare getting married at 29 to getting married at 22, 23.

Jamie: It would have been a lot more of a spectacle. It’s now more about the marriage itself. The younger me would have been more like, HERE COMES THE BRIDE! A party to celebrate me in all my white dressed glory. Not a day to celebrate the start of a marriage. And our family blending together.

Caitlin: You see a lot of weddings since you’re looking at wedding photography all the time. Does that give you ideas for your own wedding?

Jamie: I think it’s narrowed it down. Especially with Pinterest being around now, there’s a lot of pressure to out do other people with your wedding. And that’s part of what I’m saying about people getting caught up with the wedding being this big, grand thing.

Caitlin: And like, just a series of photo-ops?

Jamie: It’s really like a modeling shoot for the brides. She’s the best she’s ever going to look, with everyone watching. It’s more about looking your best and getting a million pictures of it. And having the right favors, and all of the little things that in the long run don’t mean anything, which is why, beyond the DIY stuff, that’s kind of where my fiancé and I decided we want a little bit of everybody in our wedding.

So instead of buying a guest book, we’re having my father build a bench that everyone will sign and we’ll keep at the foot of our bed. I’m not hiring a florist. My mom and my grandmom are going to do it for me. His mom, grandmom, and aunt are going to do all the candles. That kind of stuff.

Everything is handmade by him, or me, or something we found at flea markets. So it’s very us, and very handmade and little pieces of us everywhere.

Jamie cutting the cake designed by her fiancé

Jamie cutting the cake designed by her fiancé

Caitlin: I got married before Pinterest was really a thing.

Jamie: Yeah, a lot of brides say they’re mad they got married before Pinterest.

Caitlin: I’m glad I did!

Jamie: I feel like that’s normal. Especially with wedding photography, Pinterest is more of a hinderance than anything because it’s like, people see all of these pictures and they’re either all doing the same exact thing because that’s what’s in right now, like mason jars everywhere, or like the burlap “Mr. & Mrs.” banner. And not only that, we literally have brides who give us a stack of ten pictures and want an exact replica.

Caitlin: Like to recreate moments from other peoples weddings?

Jamie: Exactly! And that doesn’t make any sense. Focus on genuine moments that are happening.

Caitlin: Yeah, I feel like when you try to recreate moments other people have had, you’re really closing yourself off to the real moments you can have. I know with my wedding, the things I really remember, I never could have imagined would happen. (laughs) The things I remember are the funny, ridiculous things that happened that I couldn’t have planned if I tried. And I think, too, it goes to the larger issue that everything is documented and chronicled now and there’s so many ways to compare yourself to everyone else with the social media lives we’re living. So, a wedding can be THAT, on steroids, if you let it.

Jamie: Yeah, and it’s like, weddings were already kind of a monster. I mean, there’s a show called Bridezillas. How terrible is that? Which is why, to answer your question about how my wedding is different, I think if I had gotten married younger, it would have been more selfish, more “this is my day,” and these are things that I want, and that kind of stuff. And now we’re not doing pomp and circumstance, we’re doing a party.

Caitlin: How has being involved in a lot of weddings changed the way you are as a bride, to your bridal party and the other people involved in your wedding?

Jamie: If you asked the young 20’s me who was out all night with my friends, it would have been more about having a million friends there and I think that even the guest list has narrowed down to just the most important people. I think I’ve seen from everybody what to do, and what not to do. Or experienced things where I said, I don’t think I’d do it that way, or I really liked that.

I think that having been through it and watching other people go through it, I’d like to think that I’m making it as easy on everybody as possible. I also want to make sure that both families are being involved equally. That’s the main thing for me.

Even in regards to the bridal party, I feel like instead of it just being a bunch of people surrounding you in an amorphous blob, all wearing the same thing and then me being in the center of it, I’m more sort of cognizant of everyone being comfortable. Because I feel like everybody has the best time at weddings when they’re comfortable. I really just want everybody to have a good time and I feel like me telling people what they should look like on my day is kind of weird.

Caitlin: If you had one piece of advice to give brides, from your experience, what would it be?

Jamie: A: You can’t please everybody. Even if that’s your goal. Everybody wants your day to be something different. And there’s no way you can do that.

B: The most important thing, and this is from being in the industry and now doing it myself, is just to not let the day get bigger than it should be. It’s not JUST a day, it’s a very special day in your life, but you don’t want to walk away the next day feeling like, what now? You want to be excited like, now I get to spend the rest of my life with this person and we just had a great party to celebrate that.
If you’re married, what did you learn from your own wedding that you share with your friends or family who haven’t gone through it yet? If you’re not yet married, what things have you seen at weddings that you learned from? Come on, don’t act like you haven’t thought about it! Leave it in the comments 🙂