Muslim in America: Ramadan

This is part two of my conversation with Siddique, a Muslim American man living in Long Island. The idea to talk with Siddique came about when he posted on Facebook (we’re old college radio buddies) about the beginning of Ramadan last month. I gave it some thought and realized I knew two things about Ramadan: it’s considered a holy time for Muslims and it involves fasting. That was about it. And I figured I couldn’t be alone in my lack of knowledge.

It’s kind of crazy to me that our Muslim friends and neighbors are going through a month of fasting and prayers and celebration while the rest of us go on with life as usual. I mean, the world basically stops for Christmas, but Ramadan barely gets a mention on the local news. So, thanks again Siddique for taking the time to chat with me.

Caitlin: So, what is Ramadan?

Siddique: Ramadan is a month on the Islamic calendar in which Muslims have their fasting and really take an opportunity to be closer to God, to focus in on all the tenets surrounding Ramadan and what it preaches.

It’s a period of spiritual purification, that’s the simplest way to put it. But, it’s also a period of time which ties into fasting for us to recognise that there are those around the world who have it way worse than we do.

People might be wondering why the emphasis on this month. This month is when we believe the Quran was sent down, that our prophet received the message that eventually became the Quran. Those are the last 10 nights of this month which are considered the most powerful nights of the month. It is during those 10 nights that we believe the angel Gabriel revealed the verses of the Quran to our prophet. We believe there’s one night in particular in the last 10 nights, it’s called Laylatul-Qadr – the night of destiny, that’s the night we believe those verses were sent down, and on this night we believe prayers, or anything you do is multiplied beyond what they would ordinarily be.

If you’re wondering why this random month, the holiday that ran into the month, our calendar is based on the lunar calendar, so it does shift throughout the course of the year. Right now we’re doing an 18 hour fast but there was a period of time in which there were barely 11-12 hour fasts.

Caitlin: So tell me more about the fasting.

Siddique: Fasting is actually one of the five pillars of Islam, by pillar I mean one of the five tenets of Islam: fasting, prayer, charity, pilgrimage to Mecca. With that, there is a huge component of charity. Charity goes hand in hand with understanding that around the world there are people who are suffering, going through hunger, going through poverty, and that it’s a time for us to better understand what they’re going through. That’s the most simplistic way I can put it.

Fasting is the abstinence of food and drink from sunrise to sunset during the fast period. But beyond that there are other things we’re asked to abstain from: gossiping, committing the kind of sins we may ordinarily be accustomed to, from backbiting, saying curse words.

So it’s not just ‘let me starve myself for 17 to 18 hours’ and call it a day, it’s a spiritual purification – there are physical aspects and science has proven that increment fasting is of benefit to your body and health. The spiritual aspect is abstaining from those things that you would ordinarily commit during the year to your betterment. But, then also to supplement what it is that you wish to discourage – Muslims will engage in extra prayers, they’ll read the Quran, our holy book.

Caitlin: A typical day – sunrise to sunset, you are fasting but you’re going about your day, you’re going to work, you’re going to school or whatever it is you do, so then at sunset, is there something you do every day?

Siddique: So before sunrise we do a small feast. Some people will keep it simple, they’ll just keep it to breakfast foods, others will lean on certain cultural dishes or traditions passed down from generation to generation. Some will say these are high carb meals, some will say these are high protein meals; every culture has their different blessings. The meal is called ‘istar’, which is literally the breaking of the fast.

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Every culture has their own conventions as far as different meals, different delicacies that they’ll have, but the one commonality amongst Muslims, regardless of culture, is it’s advised to break the fast with a date. They are very common amongst middle-Eastern cultures and it is highly advised by Prophet Muhammad to break fast with a date. If you don’t have a date, if you’re at work, the second way that it’s advised to break your fast is just with water. Those are the two recommended ways. It is generally advised that you have a light meal, you don’t stuff your stomach, and it’s the first time you’ve eaten in 17-18 hours, so you don’t want to overload your system.

The cultural dishes tend to be fried and high calorie dishes. So as much as we talk about the health benefits, many have actually gained weight during this month. If you’re fasting for 18 hours, your body is ready to cling on to any substance that you put into your stomach, so when you’re putting in fried, sugary food that’s what your stomach’s clinging onto. Many end up gaining 5-6 pound in the month.

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Caitlin: Do you tend to spend more time with your family during this month?

Siddique: Absolutely. That’s a great question. One of the core elements of Ramadan is the time you spend with your family. Granted on weekdays it’s tough, people have school, people have work, it’s considered a blessing, but on weekends that’s where you will have big family get-togethers. It’s essentially a big dinner party. Because when you have big family get-togethers during the month, food is invariably going to be involved. Whenever you’re talking about a lot of immigrants and groups that come to this country, there are two big elements: family and food.

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Caitlin: You mentioned earlier that you’re waiting until fairly late to be able to start eating and then you need to be up fairly early to get that meal in before the day begins?

Siddique: I don’t blame anyone for thinking that’s a really long time, it is, but here I am talking to you from my air-conditioned office. I’m not working construction and I’m not outdoors in the Middle East. I’m in a lap of luxury right now so really the fast in and of itself is not difficult.

It’s more difficult in the beginning because for me and other people, I’m used to having 2-3 cups of coffee a day, that’s an adjustment that takes a couple of days that that overdose of coffee is not coming in the morning, and it’s not coming in the afternoon either.

I get more thirsty than hungry during the course of the day.

Just to give you an example, during the course of annoucing a game on TV or in public, I normally have a full bottle of water by my side to keep sipping on. I don’t have that luxury during Ramadan, so if it starts at 7 o’clock, I’m not breaking my fast until three quarters of the way through the game. So that’s one thing I tend to fail at a little bit more as far as fasting and how it may impact my day.

But other that personally, the day is long, but I’m in no duress or discomfort during the day. But for others, working in a factory or doing manual labour, something where you require water, I imagine it to be more difficult.

Caitlin: At what age do people start fasting for Ramadan?

Siddique: That’s a great question. Personally, I started aged 12, but it really varies. I’ve seen kids who started aged 9 and kids who don’t start until high school or towards the end of high school. If I had to give a solid age-range I would say most kids start between the ages of 10 and 12.

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Caitlin: Is it a family decision, not like a hard-fast guideline?

Siddique: Yes, usually the family dictate that kind of thing. They can ask the kid if they’re ready or they feel up to it, but generally they will have their own timeline; there is no hard-fast timeline, not to my knowledge at least.

Caitlin: Is there ever an exception for people who are ill or pregnant or that sort of thing?

Siddique: Absolutely. There are exceptions, if you’re not physically capable, if a woman is pregnant, if somebody is beyond a certain age, if you’re travelling, there is a soft area. When I say travelling, this rule was made generally when people travelled on camel or walking for miles and miles on end, so it is a bit different now like if I’m travelling to New Jersey, that’s not exactly a reason not to fast. We believe that God is not going to ask something of you that you’re not physically capable of.

Caitlin: For you what’s the best part of Ramadan and is it something you look forward to?

Siddique: Other than the family dinners and get-togethers and stuff like that, I enjoy the nightly prayers. It’s something many Muslims feel is a way for them to continue to spiritually enhance the experience to bring them closer to God. In Islam there are 5 daily prayers – there’s one very early morning, 2 during the course of the day and 2 at night – 1 at sundown and one later during the night.

As far as what I enjoy most about the optional nightly prayers, I do enjoy the fact that there is a spiritual aspect. I feel I’m making the most of the Ramadan experience and there is a belief that these are activities that bring you closer to God and help you further spiritually purify yourself.

Another aspect of this month is that it is one where your prayers are enhanced. Things you want and pray for are enhanced because you are closer to god during this month. The common ones are to pray for forgiveness, the health and well-being of others, world peace, things that you want – difficulties in your family, in your own life that you’re trying to overcome. I enjoy that and the aspect of feeling closer to God.

But then there’s another aspect that I enjoy, every night of the month my friends are there, people I’ve known for years are there. It’s cool that we’ve done our prayers and are all hanging out, there’s a big courtyard in our mosque and they’ll have people serving food and tea, and the idea that on a nightly basis you’ve undergone spiritual purification, and now you’re getting to hang about, have a few laughs with your friends, the people you know, your community, that’s what I look forward to most during the month.

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Caitlin: Thank you so much for chatting with me about Ramadan, and yesterday’s more general post about being Muslim in America. I really appreciate it.

Siddique: I encourage non-Muslims to ask these kind of questions, to get to know their neighbours better, because there are Muslim populations in all major cities. These are opportunities for us to break down walls, to better know another segment of the American populace, and conversely an opportunity for Muslims to get to better know their neighbours, and people who might not have an understanding of who their neighbours are.

I feel this is the kind of month that allows people to get to know each other, for some of the misunderstanding to be worked out, for there to be more dialogue, more conversation. The mere fact someone like you is asking me these questions, that media outlets around the country are asking mosques about Ramadan opens up an opportunity for dialogue, for better understanding, I feel this is the kind of thing this country needs and gives people a better understanding of what it means to be Muslim, and gives Muslims the opportunity to find out what some people’s concerns are.

People have questions and if they’re not asking the right people those questions, those questions lead to many misunderstandings and that’s not how to go about it. The way to go about it is to have a dialogue, so that you have better mutual understanding, and that’s how you forward society.

I know it’s a very small initiative, but I think it’s one of those things during this month – what is Ramadan, why do people do it and what can come of it, that that’s one small goal we can accomplish and we’ll all be better for it.

 

Images c/o Siddique Farooqi

Muslim in America

I met Siddique about ten years ago, when we worked at our University’s radio station. I had the pleasure of co-hosting the station’s morning show from time to time with Siddique which meant discussing current political, social, and pop culture news. It was the height of the war in Iraq and I always appreciated Siddique’s insight as a Muslim American.

So, when I saw he posted on Facebook a few years ago that it was the start of Ramadan, the holiest month on the Islamic calendar, I thought it would be a great time to chat with Siddique about some of his experiences as a practicing Muslim.

Caitlin: So this might sound crazy to you, and maybe particularly because you’re from the New York area, but you’re the first person I ever knew personally, who was Muslim.

Siddique: Wow. Really?

Caitlin:Yes, do you not hear that much in New York?

Siddique: It may be because you’re not from New York, right?

Caitlin: Yeah, I grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia.

Siddique: I’m surprised because Philadelphia has the highest concentration of African-American Muslims in the US.

Caitlin: I’m sure there were kids in my high school that were Muslim, but I wasn’t aware of it at the time. My high school was relatively small and not very diverse.

Siddique: It was the same in my high school. It was a pretty small school district, our entire high school was like 530 kids the year I graduated. If I had to count how many Muslims were in our entire school at the time, I would say, like, five to ten.

Caitlin: Would you tend to be friends with those kids because you had that in common?

Siddique: Not really. Well, one was my brother. Everybody had their own clique, I just hung out with my friends and guys I played sports with. We didn’t really have that idea of “Hey, we’re Muslims, let’s hang out together!”

I grew up going to our local mosque, and some of the closest friends I have today, I met there. Once you get to college, that’s where you have student groups from every ethnicity, so I guess that was the first time I ever really made friends with people just because we were Muslim.

Caitlin: Was it something that you sought out?

Siddique: Yes and no. It’s not because I didn’t have friends or needed friends of my particular religion, it was more so because it was my first time away from home and I felt that it was important to have a group of Muslim friends – as a means to keep me rooted. I made most of my friends through playing basketball at the gym at nights and intramural soccer on the weekends.

It was through going to Friday prayers that I was introduced to other Muslim kids, one thing lead to another, and I became part of the school’s Muslim Student Association.

Caitlin: Do you consider yourself fairly religious? Because for me, I did grow up going to church every Sunday and I was fairly religious for a bit as a kid, but now I’m really not. I celebrate Christmas and Easter with my family, but I don’t go to church. Do you consider yourself religious or is it more of a family and community thing, or both?

Siddique: I do consider myself religious, but that is a very subjective definition. I feel that there is more that I could do as far as day to day, week to week practice, but as far as an identification perspective, what I believe in, being close to God, wanting to be close to God, and wanting to do things that we believe God has taught us, in terms of being a good human being and practicing the religion, I find myself in a position where I’m trying to get better, but I’m very far from where I want to be.

Caitlin: I’m curious how you feel about being judged by your religion. If a white person or a Christian person commits a crime, does something bad, I don’t feel like that reflects on me as a person. But as a Muslim, do you feel a need to represent your faith to the world?

Siddique: If something happens in this country, around the world, an act of evil, an act of terror, perpetrated by a Muslim or terrorists charading to be Muslim, yes, we do feel the need to remind people that Islam is a peaceful religion and that the vast majority of Muslims are peace loving.

There’s an unfortunate perception among some that, one, Islam is an inherently evil religion, and, two, that Muslims have been programmed or taught to come into this country and to spread their way, and, three, that we have a master plan to impose our religious laws on this country. Sometimes, as silly as some of the misperceptions of our religion may seem to us Muslims, we have to stand out front and say no, this is not what we believe in, and that terrorists and acts of terror do not represent us.

My feeling is that there is still a huge segment of this country, of the world, whose only exposure to Muslims is what they’ll see on the news or movie depictions. The only thing we can do is to interact with them, to engage them, to educate them as far as who we are, and the fact that we’re here to be Americans just like everybody else, and that there shouldn’t be an “us versus them” delineation. Sometimes that takes some work and in today’s day and age, it’s taking a bit more work. It’s what you have to do.

Caitlin: It does seem unfair, and seems exhausting to have to be constantly defending your faith in that sort of way, but I understand why you do it and have a lot of respect for that. Opening minds is so important, it’s just a shame that it takes so much work.

I hope we’re progressing, sometimes it seems like we’re taking steps backwards. I’m curious, what do you hope for, for your children, your nieces and nephews, for that next generation of children who I assume will be raised in the faith? How do you hope it will get easier? What are your hopes for them?

Siddique: I don’t know whether it’s going to be easier or whether it’s going to be more difficult, I’m not sure to be very honest. What I will say is that I hope, when I have kids, that when they’re going to school, partaking in extracurricular activities, playing their youth sports; all I want is that kids of other ethnicities, other nationalities, different religious beliefs, that they’re going to see my kids as a fellow student, a teammate, a friend. I don’t want them to see them as, “that’s my Muslim friend, or that’s my 2nd generation Pakistani-American friend.” Any immigrant class who has ever came to this country, that’s what they strive for.

This nation has a unique ability to unite members of different groups, different ethnic groups, religious groups, beliefs, lifestyles, in a way that you see beyond their colour, you see beyond their religions, you see beyond the name – you see them as co-workers, fellow students, and fellow colleagues first. There are only a few countries in the world that have that kind of platform, and no country does it better than the United States.

So, that’s what I would want for my kids, and that’s the upbringing I had. I enjoyed the same educational opportunities, played the same sports, and engaged in the same after school activities as every other kid, regardless of ethnicity or religious background.

Today, in addition to having my own marketing company, I’m a sports television commentator and the public address announcer for Hofstra University, a major university on Long Island. Neither my ethnicity nor religion has ever been an issue. Needless to say, I’m beyond thankful to have grown up in a country that recognizes someone’s earned merit over their ethnic or religious background.

So really that’s what I want for my kids, that they have the same opportunities that I’ve had.

 

Check in again soon to read my conversation with Siddique about Ramadan.

ChitChat: Your best Halloween ever

When I was a kid, my mom always handmade Halloween costumes for me and my brothers. Whether it was a lady bug, Peter Pan, or an angel, she worked her ass off those days leading up to Halloween to make awesome costumes for us. Now that I’m an adult, I realize what a huge undertaking that was. That’s pretty awesome.

These days I don’t dress up much for Halloween. It’s not that I don’t like the holiday (I do!), it’s more that I’m too cheap to spend money on that sort of thing. But, when I need to, I can rise to the occasion. And convince my husband to do the same (party on, Wayne).

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So for this month’s ChitChat Panel, we’re talking Halloween costumes and favorite trick or treating memories. 🙂

 

Aubrey

Aubrey: As a kid, Halloween was my favorite holiday. I suppose I liked it so much because it was a day in which outrageous and infelicitous behavior was generally encouraged – well, except at school. From Catholic grade school to high school, I was reprimanded and punished for costumes year after year. As Elvira in the third grade, I had to cover up my cleavage. When I was a baby in the 5th grade, the principal made me put pants over my diaper. When I dressed as my 10th grade Lit teacher (he had long gray hair and wore silver bracelets up to his elbow), the dean made me take everything off and gave me Saturday detention. As Pee-Wee Herman in the 11th grade, they tore up my “Keep Pulling for Me!” sign. I just couldn’t win.

Although I have a lot of great memories associated with various costumes, my favorite has to be the one I wore last year, because I got to introduce my daughter to Halloween. My wife dressed as Olive Oil, my daughter as Sweet Pea, and I was Popeye (see bottom of post). Now that I’m a little older, I’ve stopped trying to challenge institutions so much. I suppose I’ll have to leave that to my daughter someday.

graham

Graham: I have a few personal favorites but for this particular question I wanted to choose a costume from my childhood, when the eerie mystique of Halloween was still very much intact, and so I decided to defer to my mom, Melissa, my official (and officially retired) Halloween seamstress-extraordinaire. Her favorite costume of mine, which to this day she reiterates every year in a suggestive tone, was Alfalfa from the Little Rascals (pictured at the bottom of post).

I don’t think I enjoyed the Alfalfa costume much at the time, but over the years I’ve come to love it for for being simple, comfortable, and yet distinctive, which is why I think my mother liked it to begin with. In fact, I appreciate it enough that I’ve recycled it since then. And even though Halloween these days has less eerie mystique than let’s-get-drunk-and-rub-up-against-each-other-ness, I still think this costume is just too good to overlook.

Chelley panel

Chelley: My favorite Halloween costume was from high school. It is my favorite because it paved the way to who I would be as an adult.

As it were, a few friends called and wanted to go trick-or-treating. There was a Madonna, a police officer, a punk, a “sassy” cheerleader… but what would I be? I knew my friends wanted rides, so I put on jeans, my lacrosse jacket and donned my least fashionable sneakers and picked them up.

I was a soccer mom for Halloween.

As a mom now, I laugh about my off-the-cuff idea. Here I was, slightly distracted by everything else I needed to do for the week, shuttling around a bunch of kids who were hopped up on sugar. A glimpse.

I don’t love the costume for it’s creativity, but I love it for the symbolic aspect. I am, 13 years later, shuttling kids, worried about everything I have to get done… and loving every moment.

liz

Elizabeth: Growing up with Canadian Halloweens, I have a lot of memories of wading through snow as I trick or treated, so that was a large consideration when it came to costume ideas. It had to be something that a snowsuit could fit under – Princess Jasmine was not gonna happen. My mom made matching clown costumes for me and my sister that I loved! Being the same thing as my big sister was THE coolest thing I could be for Halloween.

The neighborhood fathers would take us out while the moms handed out candy. Growing up I had best friends who lived just up the street from us and so every Halloween the three of us and our dads would go out and fill our pillowcases full of candy. When we were really young my best friends’ father died. So the next Halloween my dad took the three of us around the neighborhood, holding three pillowcases ready to switch with us when ours got full. It’s such a small memory, but I always think of it as such a great example of my dad’s character. It wasn’t even a question that he would take my friends out that year, it was his instinct to be there for someone who needed him.

Mike (not pictured): Halloween is arguably my favorite holiday, and I’ve had a few nice costumes over the years. I think my favorite so far is the costume i will be wearing this year. I’ll be Gene from Bob’s Burgers. I have a burger, his trademark yellow tee and jean shorts, and a pair of red Chuck Taylors. I am so like the character so this is gonna be a fun one!

nancy

Nancy: My favorite costume was a glow in the dark skeleton costume. I think I liked it because it because all you could see were the bones as we walked down the road. That costume stayed in my parents attic and was actually worn by one of my own kids. I am not sure, but I think the year that I wore it was the rainy Halloween. I had a big shopping bag and must have been dragging it on the ground, because when it was full and we were almost home, it broke and all the candy spilled.

My favorite memory of my kids is when my two boys, about 2 and 3 years old dressed liked clowns. They were so cute, but I didn’t connect that one of my sons was afraid of clowns and thus afraid of his brother.

Popeye (1)

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